


Juno Steel and the Non-Optional Vacation

by exclamation



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Kidnapping, M/M, One Shot, Silly, Vacation, jupeter, spa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-18 15:47:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11877753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exclamation/pseuds/exclamation
Summary: Juno Steel is no stranger to kidnappings but this kidnapping is stranger than most. He has been whisked away to an exclusive spa by the master criminal Peter Nureyev, who's determined to make Juno relax - whether he wants to or not.





	Juno Steel and the Non-Optional Vacation

**Author's Note:**

> This story is intended as a one shot but who knows if I will decided to continue to play with this idea. It was fun trying to get the narration style to work for Juno.

Juno Steel had been rendered unconscious enough times over his eventful career that he could recognise the associated headaches when he regained consciousness. This one wasn't the pounding or sharp pain that came with an injury, or the brain-scrambling throb that accompanied most standard issue stun guns. No, this was just the faintest whisper of an ache that promised to go away as soon as he'd had a cup of coffee or a stiff drink. The sort of stun weapons that could render someone unconscious without making their head feel like there were heavy duty mining operations taking place in their skull tended to cost a lot of money. Money most people didn't bother with. The only reason anyone ever used a weapon like that was if they were trying very hard to take someone prisoner without causing undue harm. 

"Ah, detective," a cheerful voice broke through the haze, "perfect timing. The coffee has just brewed." 

Juno pushed himself upright and forced his eyes open. He was in a bedroom, lying on a bed far softer than the one he was used to and much, much bigger. And there, standing in the doorway, with mugs of coffee and a charming smile, was someone Juno had definitely not been thinking about seeing again, especially not late at night when he hadn't been laid in a while. 

"Nureyev," Juno growled out. Peter made an expression of mock hurt at his tone and crossed the room, holding out one of the mugs. Juno found his feet and reached past the outstretched arm, taking the mug from Nureyev's other hand. 

"Juno, I'm hurt. You still don't trust me?" 

"You shot me," Juno pointed out. 

"Only to stun, and I used the good variety. If you still have a headache, I'm sure I can soothe it away for you." 

"Where are we?" Juno swallowed half the coffee in a few big gulps and then regretted it when his mouth registered the burning pain from the heat. The coffee tasted good though, a hell of a lot better than the caffeine-infused mud he had back in the office. 

"We're at the Red Waters Spa," Nureyev answered. "Only the best for you, my dear detective." 

"You kidnapped me to bring me to a spa? What? You need my help to rob some rich customers or something?" 

Red Waters was one of the most exclusive spas on the planet, the sort of place that charged a million credits just to breathe their oxygen. It prided itself on perfect service, perfect privacy, and perfect relaxation. It was the sort of place that would have bouncers give someone like Juno a beating just for looking at the place through a long-range scanner. 

"Don't think of it as a kidnapping, Juno. Think of it as a non-optional vacation." 

Juno drank the rest of his coffee, in case the caffeine helped Nureyev's words make sense. It didn't. 

"What?" 

"You've been through some stressful cases lately," Nureyev said. "Even you need a break. Time to relax, unwind, maybe get a nice massage." 

"You can't kidnap people and then tell them to relax." 

"Oh, I think you'll find I can. In fact, I just did. Now, this cabin has a lovely hot tub that I intend to enjoy. I couldn't find a bathing suit in your apartment, so I suppose we shall have to be adventurous." Nureyev gave a wink. The thought of Nureyev naked in a hot tub send Juno's blood rushing to parts other than his brain. Despite that, his brain was still working well enough to tell him that this was a really bad idea. He didn't want to get into things again with Nureyev. No, that wasn't quite right. He wanted to get into things with him very, very badly, but he knew that he shouldn't. Peter Nureyev was a liar and a thief, he was a con man and a criminal, he had swindled Juno and stolen from him, he was everything that Juno fought so hard against. 

And he was someone that he very much wanted to get hard against. 

And if he gave in to that thought, he would spend months missing Peter, dreaming about him, wanting him. He would never be able to get the man out of his thoughts. He would linger, the way the scent of his cologne had lingered so long after he'd betrayed Juno the first time. 

"No," Juno said. 

"Oh, well if you don't want to try the hot tub, we could order room service. The kitchen here is supposed to provide the most exquisite meals. And we have a balcony with massage sun beds. We can soak up some vitamin D while getting the beds to work out any knots. Or we could work ourselves into some knots." 

His look at the bed wasn't so much suggestive as it was a flashing neon sign with six metre high lettering. 

"No," Juno said again, while he still could. He patted at his pockets. "I'm leaving." He dug around in worrying empty pockets. "Damn it, where are my comms?" 

"What kind of kidnapper would I be if I just left you with a means of communication?" Nureyev asked. "Don't worry, I already called Rita for you and let her know that I would be taking care of you." 

"You... you told my secretary you were kidnapping me?" Juno wasn't sure what to make of that. He didn't dare hope that this meant Rita had gone to the police and that a rescue was on its way. It was possible she was even now hacking into the security systems of Red Waters so he could make a daring getaway. Or she was watching dumb movies. It was hard to know with Rita. 

"I didn't use quite those terms," Nureyev said, "but she agreed with me that you needed a break. I promised I would get you back safe and sound. She says to have fun, by the way." 

"Of course she does." Because of course Rita would just go along with this ridiculous kidnapping. This meant it was on Juno to get out of here. There had to be comms around here somewhere. Nureyev had talked about ordering room service, which meant there had to be a way to call them, which meant that there had to be a way to call someone else. He could call a cab and be home before the day was over. 

Juno walked out of the bedroom and saw the rest of the cabin, which was a testament to good taste. Nice couch, what was either a real fire in the fireplace or a very expensive hologram, a large screen for watching movies, small dining table, and the doors out to the balcony, which housed the promised hot tub and massage sun beds. Juno went out onto the balcony and took a look at the view, which was spectacular. There was a steep drop down to the resort's main pool down below, and then a wall of carefully maintained greenery. It cost a lot of money to make stuff grow on the Martian desert, and Red Waters blocked any sign of that desert with a wall of trees, bushes, and enough flowers to cater to a few dozen funeral parlours with enough left over to decorate about a hundred weddings. 

Juno definitely shouldn't be thinking about weddings. 

"It's a lovely view, isn't it?" Nureyev said. 

"Lovely," Juno agreed, but he wasn't interested in the view so much as getting out of here. He placed his hands on the balcony railing and hefted himself up. 

"Be caref-" Nureyev started to warn him. 

A moment later, Juno was lying on his back, still on the balcony, twitching slightly. Damn, that had stung. There was a security field around the balcony, invisible until something living tried to cross it and then it zapped him with electricity. He felt like an insect that had been caught in a bug zapper. He hadn't had much of a headache from the stun gun blast, but he had one now, along with a whole body ache. 

"Ow," he said, looking up at the Martian sky overhead. 

"I told you this was not optional, Juno," Nureyev said, "and Red Waters has some of the best security around. Nothing gets in or out of this cabin without my say so. So unless you decide to torture me for the security codes..." He smiled and gave a little shrug. 

"Don't tempt me," Juno said. 

"Why are you so vehemently opposed to relaxation? Even detectives need a break every once in a while." 

"How do you even know I need a break? Have you been spying on me?" 

"Don't think of it as spying. Think of it as showing an interest." 

"Great. So I've got my own stalker kidnapper." 

"Some people would be flattered." 

"Some people aren't aching in every muscle in their body from a security field." 

"Now that's hardly my fault, Juno. If you hadn't tried to run away, you'd be perfectly fine. Now I'm sure I can help you with those aches. There's a lovely supply of massage oils in the bedroom all waiting for us." 

Nureyev offered Juno a hand to help him up. After only a moment's hesitation, Juno took it. He clambered to his feet and felt a moment of dizziness at the sudden movement, but it quickly passed. He had no intention of enjoy massage oils or anything else with Nureyev though. 

"I don't want to do this with you," Juno said. 

"Whyever not?" 

"Because there's no future in it. No future in us. We'll spend a few days here and then you'll be gone again." And he would be left hurting and alone, nursing a broken heart once again. He'd gone through that twice and he wasn't sure he could cope with a third time. 

"Need I remind you," Nureyev said, "that the last time it was you who left me? I offered you the galaxy and you turned me down. You walked out on me while I was sleeping. A man could get offended by a thing like that." 

Juno felt the urge to apologise, because Nureyev was right. It had been Juno who'd ended things between them the last time, but he'd done what he had to do. The two of them couldn't have a life together. He'd spent his life stopping criminals, arresting people like Peter Nureyev. Peter had wanted him to leave all that behind him, to leave Mars and the city Juno had lived in for his entire life, to walk away from his place in the galaxy... and a piece of himself. Leaving Peter that had night had felt like he was yanking a piece of his own chest out with his bare hands, but it had been the right choice, for both of them. The wild excitement of their time together would have faded and then all they'd be left with was resentment. 

"This can't work between us," Juno said. "I wish it could but we can't be together." 

"If you really think that, Juno, then why are you still holding my hand?" 

Juno looked down. The hand Nureyev had offered to help him up was still clutched in his own, warm fingers against warm fingers. He could feel the callouses on Peter's fingers, the gentle grip that mirrored his own. Juno yanked his hand away as though it stung. Right now, he couldn't trust his own body any more than he could trust Peter. He wanted to feel those fingers on the rest of him, touching him, holding him, caressing him. He wanted to turn off common sense and just pretend that this ridiculous infatuation could become something real, but he knew otherwise. He knew that pretending to have something today would just make losing it hurt more tomorrow. 

"You worry too much about the future, Juno," Peter said, voice soft and uncharacteristically serious. He stepped closer, the scent of his cologne intoxicating. "Right now, we are here, together, with a large bed and a hot tub and some rose scented massage oil I long to try. For once in your life, Juno, stop worrying about what will happen tomorrow and just enjoy today." 

With every word, he drew closer still and Juno didn't back away. When Peter finished speaking, his words were a whisper from his lips to Juno's, and still Juno didn't back away. When Peter's lips met his, he still didn't back away. 

He knew that he would regret this tomorrow, or next week, or within the next five minutes, but Peter was right here, smelling so good and feeling so warm against him, and he decided that the future would be the future's problem. He was here with this ridiculous thief, this handsome criminal who flew into his life on a beam of starlight and turned everything upside down, this man who had tricked him, and stolen from him, and saved his life, this man he loved. 

Peter Nureyev. His Peter Nureyev. A man who had trusted him with his life, his memories, and his name. Juno might regret this tomorrow, but he would trust Peter Nureyev with today.

**Author's Note:**

> For whatever random fandom stuff has caught my interest this week, come [follow me on Tumblr](http://jessicameats.tumblr.com). For more about my writing, [check out my blog](http://plot-twister.co.uk).


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